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Sarcasm aside, it’s a skill, man. Those pros? Artists. They know nerves you didn’t know existed. Ever hear of the perineum? Yeah, google it—game changer. But here’s the kicker—half the time, they’re bored outta their skulls. Rubbing sweaty dudes all day? Yikes. One told me she fakes the moans—everybody lies, see? Cracked me up. Still, I’d go again. Why? “The heart knows no law”—Malick nailed it. It’s primal, messy, human.

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So, I’m standing there, all grumpy, when I bump into my mate, Sean. He’s like, “Yo, you good?” I’m like, “Nah, man, no coffee!” He laughs, and I can’t help but crack a smile. Sean’s always good for a laugh. We decide to stroll down to the square. You know, the one with the statue of the fella on the horse? I swear, that statue has seen more drama than a soap opera.

Botched petrol bomb attack on Tuam house