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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts singin’ karaoke. And let me tell ya, he’s awful. Like, nails on a chalkboard bad. I’m tryin’ to enjoy my drink, but I can’t help but laugh. My mate and I are just crackin’ up. I’m like, “Dude, stick to your day job!”

Water outage affecting the Tralee area