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Avast ye, mateys! ‘Tis I, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit, savvy? Talkin’ ‘bout them sex escorts today—ooh, what a tangled web o’ lust ‘n’ coin! Me fave flick’s *The Turin Horse*, that dreary ol’ tale o’ muck ‘n’ misery—fits right in, don’t it? “The wind’s blowin’,” like in the film, ‘cept here it’s blowin’ skirts up, ha!
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Then, just as I’m getting into the groove, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Sean. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, he got locked outta his house on Emmet Street. Classic Sean. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my stuff.
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