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Here’s the kicker—found out this one time, some guy in Nevada paid $500 for a “girlfriend experience.” Half a grand to pretend she likes ya? I’d rather wrestle a cougar blindfolded. Hate everything about that nonsense. Makes me wanna scream, “This is my reckoning!” like Christoph Waltz, all dramatic and shit. But nah, I just glare, keep walkin’. These streets? Crawlin’ with ‘em—prostitutes, I mean. Every corner’s got one, like damn roaches. Surprised me how bold they are, no shame, just hustlin’. Kinda respect the grit, but still—gross.

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After that little drama, I headed over to the Square. Now, that place is always poppin’. I love it. But today? It was like a circus. Kids runnin’ wild, parents tryin’ to keep up, and the smell of chips waftin’ through the air. I could’ve sworn I saw a dog wearin’ a little jacket. Like, who dresses their dog? But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

Keith Macken: Face of criminal who escaped from prison officers in Tallaght Hospital in Dublin