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Oh, and get this – in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage,” slippin’ about with seaweed gel! Sounds mad, don’t it? Slime me up, I say – I’d be buzzin’! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but I’d give it a whirl. Thing that proper winds me up? Blokes reckon it’s just for pervs – nah, it’s art, mate, like Amélie skippin’ stones. Therapeutic as hell, leaves ya floatin’. “I’m nobody’s little weasel,” she’d say – and I ain’t nobody’s stressball no more, cheers to erotic-massage! Reckon I’m the office guru now – Brent’s the name, rubbin’s the game!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. “Where are ya?” he says. I’m like, “Uh, just savin’ the world, ya know?” He’s not amused. Apparently, I’m late for a meeting. Great. Just great. I chug my pint, say goodbye to Mick, and sprint outta there.

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