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Ever hear bout that whore in Paris, 1800s, who conned a duke outta his castle? Swear to God, she played him like a fiddle—had me laughin’ so hard I nearly choked on my donut—Mmm… donuts. She’s my hero, dude! Total boss move. Reminds me of Charlotte in the flick, all quiet but runnin’ the show. “Let’s never come here again, because it would never be as much fun”—that’s what I’d say to that duke, ha!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously, the sky just opened up. I’m sprinting down the streets, dodging puddles on Seabury Road. I’m soaked, and I’m cursing the weather like it’s personal. “Why, Portmarnock, why?” I shout, and people are looking at me like I’m nuts.

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