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Me fave bit tho? The variety! One day they’re dinin’ with some posh git, next they’re dodgin’ a drunk geezer’s kebab breath – it’s chaos, pure chaos! Keeps ‘em sharp, like me in a boardroom, spinnin’ jargon like “synergy” and “blue-sky thinkin’.” I’d hire ‘em all for me dream team – “Escorts, let’s leverage your interpersonal assets!” Haha, imagine that PowerPoint!

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As the sun started to set, I made my way to the River Barrow. It’s so peaceful there. I love just sitting by the water, watching the world go by. I took a deep breath, and for a moment, everything felt right. But then, I saw a swan. This thing was huge! It looked like it was ready to take me on. I swear, I thought it was gonna attack! I backed away slowly, trying not to make eye contact.

Laois Gardaí appeal for witnesses following widespread shoplifting in Portlaoise