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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout Escort, ya know, that car Ford churned out like cheap bread. Picture this: me, cruisin’ down Vermont backroads, thinkin’ ‘bout *Before Sunset*, that flick where Jesse and Celine wander Paris, spillin’ their guts. “Time is a lie!” Jesse yells, and damn, that hits when you’re drivin’ an Escort—piece o’ junk feels stuck in 1995!

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So, I rushed outta my flat on Main St. You know, the one with the dodgy coffee shop? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a coffee that tasted like burnt rubber. But hey, caffeine is caffeine, right? I sprinted down the street, dodging pigeons like they were ninjas.

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