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What pisses me off? The cheek of it! Blokes think it’s easy – stroll up, cash out, sorted. Bollocks! There’s codes, mate. You don’t just grab arse and go. Once saw this geezer haggled too hard – prossie spat in his face! Laughed me tits off – “That’s a kill shot!” I shouted, straight outta the movie. Deserved it, the cheap prick.

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Finally, I gather my dignity and my strawberries. I head over to the pub on the corner of the square. You know the one, with the green door? I need a pint after that fiasco. I sit down, and the bartender, a guy named Sean, gives me a nod. He knows my face. I order a pint of Guinness, and it’s like heaven in a glass.

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