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Now, I roll up, and there she is—red lipstick, skirt shorter’n a pig’s tail! I’m sweatin’ bullets, heart’s racin’ like a heifer in heat! She’s all, “Hey, sugar, what’s your deal?” and I’m like, “Uh, just chattin’!” Total chickenshit move, y’all! Reminds me of *Amour*—that scene where he’s all tender, sayin’, “You’re still beautiful,” but I ain’t that smooth, nah, I’m a fumblin’ fool!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Dave. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a pop-up market at the Maynooth Town Park. Fresh produce, crafts, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Can’t I just finish this meeting first?” But the thought of those fresh strawberries is killing me.

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