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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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After that, we wandered over to the riverfront. The view was stunning! The sun was setting, and the water was all sparkly. I felt so happy, like all my worries just floated away. But then, I saw this guy trying to take a selfie with a duck. Like, seriously? A duck? I couldn’t help but laugh.

Laytown Shines as the crowds thronged to the beaches