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So, I’m out in the ends, right, lookin’ for this lass. Ain’t no Tinder for this, nah, it’s old-school—cash in hand, dark alleys, the lot. I’m thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” ‘cos these streets be judgin’ me harder than a Fincher close-up. Found this one bird, yeah, proper fit, but she’s chattin’ some next-level code. “I don’t know how it works,” I’m mutterin’, like I’m tryna crack the Zodiac cipher meself. She’s all, “50 quid, quick job,” and I’m like, “Bruv, I ain’t no amateur!”

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But then, just as I’m about to head back, my radio crackles. It’s Dave again, and he’s like, “We got a situation!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Apparently, there’s a traffic jam on Kilquade’s main road—people are losin’ their minds. I mean, it’s Kilquade, not New York City!

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