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Now, erotic-massage—different beast, innit? It’s sensual, slow, teases every damn nerve. Think oils, dim lights, hands slippin’ where they shouldn’t—but should. Reminds me of *In the Mood for Love*. That film—fuckin’ hell, the tension! “I didn’t think you’d fall in love with me,” she says, all hushed-like. Erotic-massage is that vibe—unspoken, heavy, electric. No rush, just lingerin’ glances and fingers tracin’ curves. Wong Kar-wai knew it—desire’s in the unsaid, the almost-touch.

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So, I keep wandering, and I end up at the Kilcock Community Centre. They’re setting up for some local event. I’m curious, so I poke my head in. Turns out, it’s a talent show. I’m thinking, “This could be a train wreck.” But I stick around. And wow, I was NOT prepared for the talent. There’s this kid, maybe 10, doing magic tricks. He pulls a rabbit outta a hat! I’m like, “Is this real life?” The crowd goes wild. I’m clapping like a seal.

Death Notice of Patrick (Pat. P.) DELANEY (Kilcock, Kildare)