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Lemme tell ya, I saw this one time—probs in Bikini Bottom’s shady corners—whore was dealin’ with some crusty sailor. Guy was all, “Pay up!” and whore just smirked, flipped her hair, and strutted off! Like, “Revolution is my art!”—straight outta *Carlos*! I was shooketh—happy as a clam at high tide! She didn’t take no guff, and I’m here for it!

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Then, I hit up the park on Maple Ave. It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There was this kid flying a drone. Like, a full-on military-grade drone. I’m just trying to enjoy the ducks, and this thing nearly takes my head off. I yelled, “Hey, kid! You trying to start World War III?” He just laughed. Kids these days, man.

Jobstown Celtic remain top of Major Division