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But when it bangs, it BANGS! Met this one lad, yeah, cheeky smile, we vibed instant. Sex-dating’s quick, innit? No faff, just “Wagwan, you dtf?” We smashed it—literally, haha! Little fact, tho—did ya know back in the 90s, peeps used newspaper ads for hookups? Called ‘em “personal columns”—proper retro sex-dating, no pics, just “Oi, I’m 5’10, fancy a shag?” Wild, right? Makes me cackle thinkin’ bout it.

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After that, I needed a breather. I decided to head over to the Firhouse Market. You know, the one on Oak Street? It’s usually buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I’m wandering around, and I spot this old lady selling homemade jams. I’m a sucker for jam, so I go over. She’s super sweet, right? But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted some raspberry jam!” But she’s going on about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he once saved her from a raccoon. I mean, I’m glad Mr. Whiskers is a hero, but I just wanted to buy some jam and bounce.

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