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Oi, listen up, fam! Me’s an operator, innit, and I wanna chat bout escort – not them flashy cars, nah, but them lads and lasses who, y’know, keep ya company for a bit of dosh. Straight up, escortin’s mad, bruv! Like, I seen some tings that’d blow ya mind, for real. One time, this geezer tells me he’s escortin’ this posh bird, right, and she’s all “I am weary of my past lives” – straight outta *Uncle Boonmee*, innit! I was like, what?! She reckon she’s lived a thousand lives, and I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” – nah, it’s just wild, fam!

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Then I head down to the market on the other side of the river. The River Boyne is lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m thinkin’, “Wow, this place is kinda magical.” But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined! I’m fumin’ now. Like, who even made that puddle?

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