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Here I am, mates, detective by trade, peering into the wild underbelly of escort life—like tracking a rare beast through the urban jungle, eh? Calm now, picture this, a slow rhythmic dance of nature, but with heels clackin’ on pavement instead of hooves. Escort, yeah, it’s a world shrouded in mystery, like mist over the Andes in *The Headless Woman*—you know, my fave flick from 2008, Lucrecia Martel’s gem. “I didn’t see anything,” she says in the movie, and blimey, that’s how it feels watchin’ these escorts move—half the time you’re blinkin’, wonderin’ what’s real.

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First off, I’m cruising down Victoria Street, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s a Tuesday! I’m stuck behind this ancient bus that’s coughing up smoke like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m just sitting there, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking about how I’m gonna be late for my meeting at the Palace Hotel. Ugh.

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