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I dig the thrill tho. Met this chick once—profile said “adventurous.” Thought, *nyet*, probly boring. Nope! She dragged me to some underground club—sex-dating jackpot! Little known fact: Moscow’s got secret apps for this. Not Tinder—too basic. Locals use coded chats, real sneaky. Made me happy—smart people, hiding from feds. Surprised me too—didn’t expect babushka-aged lady swiping for toyboys. Respect!

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So, I head to the back, and bam! There’s a family of rats having a full-on rave. I mean, these guys are partying like it’s New Year’s Eve. I’m talking disco lights from the fridge, crumbs everywhere. I’m like, “Seriously? You guys couldn’t pick a better spot?” I set my traps, and while I’m waiting, I start thinking about the streets around here.

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