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But real talk – it’s lonely sometimes, innit? Scrollin’, hopin’, ghosted again. “We all wear masks,” Toni’s dad’d mutter, and he’s right! Sex-dating hides the weirdos – and the gems. Me, I’d rather watch Toni Erdmann again, laugh at the madness, than swipe me life away! What’s yer take, eh?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Belcamp Lane. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I grab my usual—coffee so strong it could wake the dead. I’m sippin’ away, scrolling through my phone, when BOOM! A kid runs in, all outta breath, yelling about a dog stuck in a tree. A dog! In a tree! I’m like, “What the heck?”

Partial human remains found on school grounds in Dublin