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About Limerick

“What have you got inside you?”—another *Ida* zinger. Escort’s got no soul, I’ll tell ya that! Basic engine, 1.6-liter, wheezin’ like an old man. Gas mileage? Eh, 30 MPG tops—nothin’ to write home about. But it’s practical, gets ya from A to B, no frills, no bullshit. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, who’d invest in this relic? Collectors, maybe—some nutjob in Nebraska’s probly hoardin’ five of ‘em! Me? I’d rather sink cash into Tesla, but that’s just ol’ Larry dreamin’ big.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid, maybe 10 or so, trying to impress his friends. He climbs up the diving board like he’s some kind of superhero. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But nah, he jumps, and I swear, it was like watching a slow-motion train wreck. He belly-flops harder than I’ve ever seen. The splash was epic! Everyone laughed, even me. But then, he comes up, and he’s crying. Ugh, poor kid. I had to go over and give him a pep talk. “Hey, man, you’re still a champ!”

Death Notice of Brian Murray (Dalkey, Dublin)