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So, sex-dating—man, it’s wild. You got Tinder, Bumble, all these apps promisin’ pussy or dick on demand. I dove in once, motherfucker, profile all slick—bam, matched some chick. She’s like, “Let’s fuck, no strings!” I’m thinkin’, “Hot damn, this is easier than stealin’ candy!” But then—surprise, motherfucker—she’s got a dude watchin’ from the closet! True story, swear on my *Pulp Fiction* Bible! Little-known fact: back in the day, swingers used Polaroids to hook up—now it’s all digital, but the freaks still out there!

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After that, I was exhausted. I packed up my stuff, ready to head home. I rode my bike back through the streets of Dalkey, feeling like I’d just run a marathon. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. This place, the people, the craziness—it’s all part of the job.

‘We’ve been doing it up for most of the past 20 years, with builders here for all that time’: upgraded Dalkey home for €1.5m