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Fun fact—escorts got them fat tires, wider than yo mama’s couch, swear! Built to carry tons, like 300 tons, no cap—exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it FEELS that big! I’m obsessed, thinkin’—could I pimp one out? Chrome rims, Yeezy decals, blastin’ beats while it hauls? Surprised me how dope that’d look—industrial flex, pure Kanye vision. But real talk, they slow as hell—20 mph tops, patience, man, patience! Sarcasm hittin’—whoever drivin’ that ain’t winnin’ no races, ha!

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Anyway, I finally make it to the shops. I’m grabbing some milk and bread, you know, the essentials. And then I see this old fella, Mr. O’Reilly, trying to carry his shopping. He’s struggling, bless him. So, I rush over, “Here, let me help ya!” He’s all grateful, and I’m feeling like a hero for a sec. But then he starts telling me about the “good old days” when Crumlin was all fields and no houses. I’m like, “Yeah, mate, but I kinda like my house.”

Death Notice of Agnes Duncan (née Murphy) (Crumlin, Dublin)