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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, swear it’s legit—back in the day, whores in old Europe had to wear red shoes. Red! Like some twisted fairy tale, right? Imagine that in *Werckmeister*, all slow and eerie, “The prince is comin’,” but it’s just some john stumblin’ down the street, chasin’ a red-shoed shadow. Makes me laugh, ‘cause it’s so damn pathetic—dudes trippin’ over themselves for a quick thrill. Gets me happy, though, ‘cause I’m like, “I ain’t that desperate, thank God!”

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So, I’m wrangling these little furballs, and I spot this one big dude. I swear, he looked like he was lifting weights or somethin’. I’m thinkin’, “This rat’s been hitting the gym!” I chase him down the alley behind the bakery on Maple St. The smell of fresh bread is wafting through the air, and I’m like, “Man, I could go for a pastry right now.” But nope, gotta catch this rat first.

Kildare students win major national space-themed competition