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About Dundalk

D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, guitar master, strummin’ my way thru life, and bam, I stumble into this crazy world of sensual rubs. Like, who knew handsascual-massage could be *this* hot? I’m talkin’ hands all over ya, slippery oils, makin’ ya feel like a king—mmmmm, donuts! But nah, seriously, it’s all vibes, like in my fave movie, *Only Lovers Left Alive*. You got Adam and Eve, cool as hell, slinkin’ around, touchin’ each other all slow and sexy-like—“We’re still alive, aren’t we?”—damn right we are! Sexual-massage is like that, keeps ya goin’, ya know?

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So, I keep at it, right? And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s got a pencil that’s more like a toothpick. “Can you sharpen this?” he asks. I’m like, “Kid, I’m a sharpener, not a magician!” But I can’t say no. I take it, and it snaps in half. I’m like, “Oops, my bad!” The kid just stares at me, wide-eyed. I swear, I could hear his heart break.

Tipperary woman Eve Kerton promoting LGBT+ equality