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Here’s the tea tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just “pull up and pay.” Nah, it’s vibes, it’s chaos, it’s readin’ the room. Like, don’t be a creep, don’t be a narc—be a fuckin’ human! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What’s hidden here?”—straight *Caché* vibes again. Maybe she’s got secrets, maybe I do, maybe the car’s haunted—who knows?!

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Anyway, I get to work, and the blade’s all rusty. I’m grinding away, and suddenly, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of the square. He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A fire hazard while I’m sharpening.” But then, he drops one! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, knife in hand, like, “What do I do? Call the fire brigade or keep sharpening?”

Tipperary's largest town will be bustling with energy on St Patrick's Day