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What pisses me off? The shady pimps, man! They’re all lurkin, takin cuts—makes me wanna yell, “This misery lasts!” Ya don’t mess with a Texan’s cash, ya hear? But when it works, oh boy, it’s a hoot! I was surprised how quick it can be—like, bam, there’s yer gal! One time, this chick told me she’d been workin since 15—15, can ya believe it? Sad as hell, made me think, “The world’s gone silent,” like in the movie. Kinda broke my heart, ya know?

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and boom! It smashes into a shop window. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” The shopkeeper comes out, red-faced and fuming. I mean, I get it, but c’mon, it’s just a window! Kids will be kids, right?

Death Notice of Rory GILSENAN (Clondalkin, Dublin)