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Once, I was signin’ for this deaf mate, he’s braggin’ bout his sex-dating score—like Lil’ Ze in “City of God” flexin’ his power! He’s all, “I’m a king,” and I’m thinkin’, “Bro, chill, you ain’t THAT smooth!” Made me happy seein’ him hyped, tho—confidence is dope! But then, this chick he met? Total catfish! Showed up lookin’ like Plankton in a wig—SURPRISE! I was shook, like, “What in the pineapple?!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old mate, Dave. He’s just chilling by the Clane River, fishing or whatever. I’m like, “Dude, you won’t believe the day I’m having.” And he’s all, “Wanna grab a pint?” I’m like, “Not now, man! I’m in crisis mode!” But I can’t help but smile. Dave’s always good for a laugh.

Gardaí arrest two men following €421k cannabis seizure in Clane, Co Kildare