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So, picture this—I’m on the switchboard, right? This guy calls, voice all shaky, says, “I need a girl, quick!” And I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t THAT kinda operator!” *cackles like The Nanny* HAHAHA! But I get it, he’s desperate, prob’ly lonely. Reminds me of that movie I loooove—“The Headless Woman,” ya seen it? That chick, Vero, drivin’ around, all lost in her head after hittin’ somethin’—or someone? She’s a mess, darlin’, and I’m thinkin’, maybe that’s how these johns feel, y’know? Lost, dazed, lookin’ for a quick fix.

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Anyway, I dust myself off and head to the Carrickmacross Lace Gallery. I mean, lace is cool and all, but I’m not here for a history lesson. I’m here for the vibes! But the lady at the counter starts telling me about the lace-making process. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, it’s beautiful, but can we speed this up?” I swear, I could feel my creativity slipping away.

Appeal for witnesses to Carrick public order incident