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Now, me, I’d be nervous as hell—sweatin’ like a bantha in heat. What if she’s cool, tho? Like, tells ya her story over a smoke? “My body is a cage,” she might whisper, like Bauby’s locked-in vibes. Gets ya thinkin’—she’s human, not just a quick deal. Surprised me once, this chick I met—total accident, swear—said she was savin’ for a kid’s school. Blew my mind! Here I am, judgin’, while she’s out here grindin’.

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I’m thinking, “Lake? What lake?” Turns out, he’s at Blessington Lakes. I sprint over, dodging people on the footpath. You know how it is—everyone’s out and about, enjoying the weather. I’m sweating like a sinner in church by the time I get there.

In pictures: ‘Strong trade for all types of calves’ at Blessington Mart