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Now, I ain’t judgin—much. Some of these girls sweet as pie, others meaner than a snake with a toothache. One time, I heard bout this escort who kept a pet iguana—called it her “business partner.” Said it scared off the cheapskates! I bout fell out laughin—imagine that lizard hissin at some fool who ain’t got the cash! Made me think, “Maybe I need me a iguana for gigs!”

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up the local chipper on Blanchardstown Road. Best chips in town, no contest. I grab a bag of chips and a battered sausage. I’m munching away, trying to calm my nerves, when I see this kid on a skateboard. He’s zooming down the street, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I had that kind of freedom.”

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