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About Navan

Oh, oh! Imagine me as an escort—pfft, hilarious! I’d be like, “Hiii, I’m Patrick, wanna nap?” Total fail, bro! I’d probs eat the paycheck—starfish gotta eat! Makes me laugh so hard I snort. What’s your take, pal? Escort life’s a trip, huh? Gotta admit, it’s kinda dope—freedom, cash, livin’ large. “Mine! Mine! Mine!” like them seagulls, snatchin’ every moment!

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But then, the mood shifts. Man Utd equalizes, and the whole place goes silent. I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why I don’t bet on footie.” But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a notification from my betting app. “Lucky Leprechaun wins!” I’m like, “What the actual…?” Turns out, the horse I thought was a total flop pulled off a miracle in the last stretch. I’m jumpin’ up and down, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad.

Death Notice of Oliver Peter Delaney (Ballincollig, Cork)