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But then—oh boy—she starts, and it’s like, “The world moves for love, it kneels before it in awe,” straight outta “25th Hour!” I’m losin’ it, happy as a pig in mud! The oil’s warm, the hands are magic, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what Monty Brogan wished he had before prison!” I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley thing—didja know it goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it—called it “therapeutic touch,” but with a wink, ya know? They’d rub ya down with olive oil, and boom, stress gone, libido up! Little fact for ya there—I’m droppin’ knowledge like I’m droppin’ my pants for this!
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Then, I decide to take a stroll down by the river. The Suck River, to be exact. It’s lovely there, but guess what? I see a bunch of kids throwing stones. And I’m like, “Great, just what I need. A bunch of mini rock stars.” One of them nearly hits me! I dodge like I’m in the Olympics. Seriously, I’m not ready for a stone to the face.
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