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Yo, man, it’s Apollo Creed here – “I must break you!” – divin’ into this sex-dating mess! Aight, so sex-dating, it’s wild, like tryna rope a damn bull, ya feel me? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Brokeback Mountain* – “I wish I knew how to quit you” – ‘cause that’s how it gets, man! You swipe, you chat, you hook up, and bam – some chick’s got you twisted up like Ennis and Jack on that mountain, all secret and sweaty.

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So, I finally get my food, and I’m ready to chow down. But then, I see this dog. A big ol’ golden retriever, just chilling. I’m thinking, “Aww, what a cutie!” But then it runs straight for my chips! I’m like, “Noooo!” I’m waving my arms like a madman. The owner’s laughing, and I’m just there, half-heartedly trying to protect my meal.

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