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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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First off, I hit up Jl. Raya Tuban. Crazy busy, like ants on a sugar rush. I’m just trying to grab some breakfast, ya know? I stop at this little warung, and the nasi goreng was calling my name. But the guy behind the counter? Total grump. I mean, c’mon dude, it’s breakfast time! I’m all about good vibes, but he was serving up frowns with that fried rice.

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