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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.

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So, I hit the streets around 8 AM. First stop? Jl. Pemuda. Gotta love that street! It’s buzzing with life. I grab my kopi joss from this little warung. You know, the one where they literally throw hot charcoal in your coffee? Crazy, right? But it’s bomb! I’m sippin’ on that, feeling like a king.

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