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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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Then, I hit up the coffee shop on Jl. Diponegoro. Best coffee in town, no cap. I ordered my usual, a cappuccino with extra foam. I mean, who doesn’t love foam? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. I was like, “What is this, a punishment?” But I drank it anyway. Gotta stay caffeinated, right?

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