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Oi, fam! Me’s your shoppin’ mate, innit! So, sex-datin’, yeah? Proper mad ting, bruv. Like, I’m out here tryna find a bangin’ fit, an’ these apps be wild! Swipin’ left, right, like it’s a game show. Reminds me of *Melancholia*, ya get me? That film’s bare depressin’ but deep—sex-datin’s the same vibe. “Everything’s going to hell,” Kirsten Dunst says, an’ I feel that when some geezer ghosts me after a shag. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, mate, it’s ’cos people be flaky as fuck!

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I keep walking, and I stumble upon this little market on Jalan Pahlawan. It’s packed with vendors selling everything from fruits to clothes. I’m checking out some manggis when this lady starts haggling with the seller. It’s like a scene from a movie! She’s all, “I’m not paying that!” and he’s like, “But it’s fresh!” I’m cracking up.

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