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Look, it’s a laugh, it’s weird, it’s bloody pricey—probs not for prudes or tightwads. Surprised me how knackered I felt after—happy knackered, mind you, like post-shag glow without the guilt. Would I go again? Maybe if I win the lottery or some twat pisses me off enough to need “zen.” Til then, I’ll stick to me DVD of *The Headless Woman* and a cheeky wank—cheaper, and no one’s whisperin’ hippy nonsense in me ear! Hah! What d’you reckon—fancy a rubdown, ya filthy git?

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted but happy. I sit on the porch, watching the sunset over the rice fields. It’s peaceful. Pemangkat may be chaotic, but it’s home. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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