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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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So, I wake up, and it’s already hot as hell. Like, come on, it’s Mertoyudan, not the Sahara! I grab my coffee from that little warung on Jl. Diponegoro. Best coffee ever, but the guy who runs it? Total grump. I swear, he could frown at a sunny day. Anyway, I’m chugging my coffee, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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