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Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like, “Humans built me to love,” from the film, yeah? Built for pleasure, us lot! Once had this lass in Soho, hands like a goddess, nearly wept, I did. “Why didn’t they tell me?” – that’s me, gobsmacked at how bloody good it was. Cost a few quid, mind – wallet’s sobbing – but worth it, innit? Total *carpe diem* moment.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. I mean, like, torrential downpour! I’m sprintin’ for cover, but I slip and slide all over the place. I’m soaked, lookin’ like a drowned rat. I finally find shelter under this little shack. I’m sittin’ there, laughin’ at myself, when this old lady comes up. She’s like, “You look like you need a towel, young man.” I’m like, “Yeah, and maybe a life jacket too!”

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