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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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Next, I head to the harbor. The boats are lined up, and I’m just in awe. The turquoise water is calling my name. I’m thinking, “Should I just jump in?” But no, I gotta be responsible. So, I meet with some local officials. They’re super nice, but I can’t help but feel a bit outta place. They’re all talking about the tourism boom, and I’m just nodding like I understand everything.

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