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So, I tried it once—ONCE—cuz my buddy Duke bet me a steak I wouldn’t. Signed up on some app, Tinder or Grindr or whatever, don’t care. Profile pic? Me with an axe, shirt off, scowlin’. Bio said, “I chop wood, not feelings.” Got 12 matches in an hour—surprised the hell outta me. Thought, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.” Wrong. First chick messages, “Hey big guy, u dtf?” DTF? Down to forest? I’m thinkin’ she’s into trees—my kinda gal. Nope. Means “down to fuck.” Disgusting. I hate everything.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking monsoon-level rain. We’re both soaked, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m a wet dog.” But he starts laughing, and I can’t help but join in. It’s ridiculous! We’re just two drenched fools in the middle of a field.

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