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What gets me chuffed is how it’s all secret-like – hush-hush, dim lights, maybe some dodgy incense. Reminds me of Eli Cash in Royal Tenenbaums, “Everybody’s against me!” – ‘cept here it’s all for ya, mate! Had one once, right, after a fire jump – lass was so good I nearly levitated, swear my wheelchair’d have floated off! Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then – ugh – some places charge a bloody fortune, gets me ragin’. 50 quid for a rub? Sod off, I ain’t Stephen Rich-Hawking!

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Then, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he’s in town too! We decide to meet up at a café on Jalan Merdeka. I’m stoked!

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