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Best bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like a perfect beef Wellington, juicy and bang-on. Worst? Some twat usin cheap oil – stinks like a fryer! Pro tip – warm the oil, dipshits, feels lush. Oh, and music – none of that whale noise crap! Low beats, keep it sexy. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but fuck it – sexual-massage is art! Done right, it’s “quiet now, all is calm” from Saul, pure peace. Done shite? You’re a disgrace, you soggy lettuce! Now sod off, try it yourself!

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little warung on Jl. Cikupa. You know the one? The one with the best kopi in town. I swear, that stuff could wake the dead. I’m chugging it down, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s a client. They’re in crisis. Like, full-on meltdown mode. I’m like, “Dude, can’t you just chill for a sec?” But nah, they need me. So, I rush over to the office on Jl. Pahlawan.

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