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Still, it’s a circus, innit? You’re dodgin’ weirdos—blokes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a CV, lasses askin’ for cash upfront. Saw one profile, “£50 for a snog”—what am I, buyin’ a bridge off ya? Total nutters. But I reckon it’s like Plainview says, “I’m finished!”—you’re knackered, scrollin’ ‘til 2 a.m., but you keep goin’, ‘cos maybe next swipe’s the one. Sex-dating’s a grind, mate, but I’m hooked—teeth, apps, and all!

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of emotions. Happy, scared, excited. I come up for air, and there’s this group of kids on the shore. They’re laughing and pointing at me. I’m like, “What’s so funny?” Turns out, my wetsuit’s got a rip. Great. Just great. Now I’m the laughing stock of Ciranjang-hilir.

Light mag. 3.2 earthquake - Java, Indonesia, on Monday, Feb 5, 2024, at 01:55 am (GMT +7)