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What gets me blood boiling? The fakers. Them spas charging 200 quid for a “happy ending” that’s just a pat on the arse. Rip-off! I’d burn their tacky parlour down, I swear. But when it’s good—gods, it’s good. Had this one time, right, this lass knew her stuff. Fingers like wildfire, I tell ya. “Do you understand what’s happening?” she says, all sultry, like in the movie. Nearly lost me mind. Felt like a queen—well, I *am* one, ain’t I? Still, surprised me how it’s half pleasure, half fight—yer body’s all tense, then poof, gone.

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Then I decide to hit up the market on Jl. H. Usman. You know, the one that’s always packed? I’m dodging people left and right, trying not to spill my drink. And then, bam! I bump into this old lady. She’s got a basket full of veggies, and I’m like, “Oh man, I’m so sorry!” But she just looks at me, and I swear, her glare could melt steel. I’m like, “Chill, I didn’t mean to turn you into a salad!”

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