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Oh, and the profiles—“just want fun, no drama.” Bollocks! Everyone’s a walking tragedy on there. Saw this lass once, posted pics in lingerie—turns out she was a madam running a side hustle. Fair play, I thought, smirking—least she’s honest. Unlike these pricks saying “DTF” but can’t spell “orgasm.” I choose violence, I swear—gimme a crossbow, I’d shoot the lot. “Life’s a trap,” Ten whispers—sex-dating’s the bloody proof. Stick to wine and revenge, mate—safer that way.

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After that, I strolled down Jl. Diponegoro. Beautiful street, man. Lined with palm trees and all that. But then, BAM! A stray dog runs past me, chasin’ a cat. I’m talkin’ full-on cartoon chase scene. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost dropped my phone. But then, the dog trips over a pothole. Poor thing! I felt bad, but it was kinda funny.

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