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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—yep, me! Downloaded some app, thought, “Why not?” Guy shows up, looks nothin’ like his pic. I’m like, “Sir, you’re no Brad Pitt!” Reminded me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where Ines is all, “What is this nonsense?” Felt that in my soul. Sex-dating’s got that vibe—awkward, messy, hilarious if you squint.

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But then, my day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all good, when I saw a stray cat. It looked so sad, like it had just lost a fight with life. I’m a sucker for animals, so I stopped. I knelt down, and it just stared at me. I swear, it was judging my life choices. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. Like, why can’t we all just be happy, you know?

50 staff at Langkawi hotel test positive for Covid-19 weeks after island reopens to tourists