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But ugh, got mad once—dude promised “relaxin’ vibes,” charged me a gazillion bucks! Rip-off! I was all, “Sy Ableman wouldn’t do this!”—y’know, that chill guy from the film? Shoulda been all calm n’ sexy, not me yellin’ like a barnacle! Still, when it’s good, it’s gooood—muscles all loosey-goosey, tingles everywhere! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, it’s fun!

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After that, I decide to check out the waterfront. Tanjung-Selor’s got this beautiful view of the sea. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, when I spot a group of kids playing soccer. They’re using a makeshift ball made of plastic bags. I’m like, “Man, these kids are living the dream!” They’re laughing, running around, and I’m just standing there, grinning like an idiot.

Kayan Hydro Energy, Japan's Sumitomo partner on 9,000MW plant in North Kalimantan