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But lemme tell ya, sex-dating’s got its wild side. Little known fact: back in the 90s, pre-internet hookups were all “personal ads” in newspapers. “Man seeks woman, likes woodworkin’, no fatties.” Straight to the point! Now it’s all emojis and dick pics—progress, my ass. Makes me laugh, though—some poor sap sends a blurry wang shot, thinks he’s Casanova. “She doesn’t respond, I don’t understand!” he cries. Buddy, she’s in a coma of boredom, like Almodóvar’s gal.

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So, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to Jalan Basuki Rahmat to grab some street food. You know, the good stuff. I’m eyeing those soto and tahu campur stalls. My stomach’s growling louder than a motorcycle on Jl. Raya Darmo. I get my soto, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven, but then—BAM! A motorcycle splashes water all over me! I’m drenched, and my soto’s ruined. I’m standing there, looking like a soggy noodle, and I just laugh. What else can ya do, right?

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